3 ways to keep your relationship strong when you have young kids

3 ways to keep your relationship strong when you have young kids3 ways to keep your relationship strong when you have young kidsIts true that the love you feel for your child is incomparable, but thechallenges kids pose to a marriageare well-documented, too. Studies, in fact, show ahappiness penaltyorhappiness gapfor parents versus non-parents, especially in the U.S.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and morePart of thestress and anxiety around parenthoodstems from a lack of infrastructure in the U.S. - we have skimpy governmental resources to support our families, including limited parental leave and expensive childcare costs, which exacerbates our everyday trials and tribulations. The financial burden, conflicting parenting styles, minimal time to spend as a couple, and endless chores can all conspire to strain your relationship.While the stress is real, especially when young childrens needs are impossibly large, there are ways to embrace the madness as a team and come out stronger. Heres howJoin forces during a meltdownThe tantrum is the worst assault a small human can inflict on us - worse than dirty diapers or spit-up, which have quick and easy fixes. If there are witnesses beyond you and your partner, its even more stressful. (Other peoples eyes on you and your screaming child feels like an automatic judgment on your parenting skills.)Its counterintuitive, but dont fight back. Stay steady and keep a calm, firm voice as your child continues to spiral into momentary madness. If you let it escalate by feeding into the drama, it will increase stress levels all around. A child will only be as calm as their parents, Julia Yeary, a clinical social worker atZero to Three, a nonprofit focused on the development of babies and toddlers, tells Thrive. If you cannot regulate your own emotions, your child is not going to be able to regulate theirs, she emphasizes.If your p artner is on the cusp of losing it, Yeary encourages us to give them an out, such as a walk around the block. If they come back and the kid is still mid-meltdown, you should take a walk around the block. Develop a tag-out system or code word/hand signal that you can use, that immediately signals your need to cool off, Beth Goss, a certified Gottman educator and training specialist for theBringing Baby Home programat the Gottman Institute, suggests.Giving each other breaks through the epic cryfest will help preserve your energy (for each other) and make you feel supported, which will help fortify your bond.Create small rituals of connectionFor many couples, the hour or two right before bedtime is the only quality one-on-one time they get in a day. If it gets disrupted by a childs inability to sleep alone in his or her own bed - a very common and exasperating dicke bretter bohren mssen - it can quickly begin to feel like a gulf is growing between the two of you. But small gestures o f gratitude and love shared throughout the day go a long way.Find ways to be intimate in everyday moments, Goss says, urging us to create rituals of connection, such as a goodbye kiss each morning, holding hands when sitting next to one another, or rubbing one anothers back. Regularly express gratitude for all your spouse does for you and your family, Yeary suggests, whether via text or even an old-fashioned love note, and take a bit off their plate when you can. Do small things often for each other, like doing the laundry if its not usually your chore, Goss recommends. These things add up to a positive perspective on the relationship and act as a buffer when things get tough.Have adult conversation even while your kid is presentLook at me isthetoddler command that beats like a loud drum throughout the day. Because everything is new to them, kids require an inordinate amount of recognition and feedback to gain the confidence they need to navigate the world successfully and independe ntly, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. You need to be able to exist as a unit, even when your kids in tow.A toddler or preschooler can often feel jealous when parents try to grab minutes together and will purposely interrupt or act out to get their attention back, Goss says, emphasizing that the fix is all in the parenting. Teach them how to ask for your attention in a non-whiny or disruptive way, such as gently putting their hand on your arm, Goss recommends, and how to respect the conversation you are having by waiting their turn.This article originally appeared on Thrive Global.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

Seven Top Tips for Applying to the Senior Executive Service

Seven Top Tips for Applying to the Senior Executive ServiceSeven Top Tips for Applying to the Senior Executive ServiceSeven Top Tips for Applying to the Senior Executive ServiceIf youve got sterling management skills, deep professional experience, and the passion to serve yur country, you might consider applying for a position in the Senior Executive Service (SES). But this prestigious federal employment is hard to come by the SES made just 300 new hires for its workforce of 7,900 in 2013. Because the application process is demanding and competitive, it pays to prepare most of your application in advance, then just tweak those materials to meet the requirements of specific job announcements when they appear.So now is the time to prepare to apply for SES positions in 2016. Here are my Seven Top Tips for preparing the SES application, especially the Executive Core Qualifications (ECQs) that will tell the stories of your expertise and experience1. Plan Your Career PathReview the Leaders hip Journey Chart in the 2016 edition of The New SES Application. Compare your resume with the leadership competencies associated with the ECQs on the chart. If you see gaps, request work assignments to fill them or make a lateral job change.2. Understand the SES Selection ProcessKnow that you are writing your ECQ stories for three audiences human resources, a board from the agency where youre applying, and a board of current senior executives drawn from multiple agencies. The latter board focusses on executive skill, not technical expertise. So your ECQs must focus on the leadership competencies specified on the Leadership Journey Chart.3. For Each Job, Identify and Prepare the Applications ComponentsRead each job announcement carefully and note its application requirements. Required documents can vary by agency.Format 1 Traditional SES Application The traditional SES application includes a four-to-six-page executive resume that includes bullets for all ECQ accomplishment stories 10 pages of Executive Core Qualifications stories in the CCAR (Challenge, Context, Actions, Results) format and one or more Technical Qualification statements of one or two pages each, if the agency requires them.Format 2 Five-page Resume-based SES Application This application is a resume that boils down all of the ECQs, TQs and traditional resume components into five pages. This challenging format must include bullets that summarize the ECQs and TQs.Other formats Candidate Development Programs, Intelligence Community Senior Officer Core Qualification, Air Force SES, Senior Leader, and other special programs or organizations may have their own requirements for the SES application. Read the announcements carefully and follow instructions to the letter.4. Develop a Dozen Accomplishment StoriesPrepare a list of 10 stories for the ECQs and two for the TQs. ECQs are not duties but narratives of accomplishments presented as brief essays. Your stories should elevate your application above the competition, which is formidable. (For 30 openings in the 2014 Candidate Development Program, the Department of Homeland Security received 5,500 applications.)5. Draft ECQ and TQ Accomplishment Stories in the CCAR FormatSES applications require that accomplishment narratives use the Challenge, Context, Actions, Results format. Each of the 10 stories should be approximately one page composed of four paragraphs in the specified typographic format. Double-check that for each story youve included the challenge, context, actions and results many applicants forget to describe the actions or results. (See my blog post on CCAR.)6. Map Leadership Stories to ECQsAfter youve created your Top 10 list of stories and outlined each one in the CCAR format, its time to map the stories to the ECQ leadership competencies. If one of your stories talks about forming partnerships, you could map it to the leadership competency called Building Coalitions. If another story focuses on personnel supervisi on and conflict resolution, it might illustrate Leading People. Even if you write compelling stories in the CCAR format, should they do not map to the ECQ leadership competencies, they wont support your application in the review process.7. Finalize the Executive Resume, ECQs, and TQsHave you have identified the leadership competencies, written at least 10 stories in the CCAR format, and drafted your resume and career history? If so, youre ready to customize your application to meet the requirements of individual job announcements. Typically the ECQs need not be adapted for each job, though you might need to modify the page total, for example. You may also need to select one of the TQs youve written, or draft a new one.Proofread all application materials before you submit them. Print documents and proof them. Read them aloud. Have someone proofread your materials and ask if they understand everything. Revise any stories that are even a bit confusing. When I write ECQ packages for cli ents, I tell them, As a lay reader, if I cant understand your stories, theyre not ready. We cant assume the reader will know anything about your background, areas of expertise, or the stories you are telling.If you begin now, you will be ready to apply for SES positions in 2016 with well-written, edited, and polished ECQs, TQs, and an executive resume. If you need additional assistance, check out our newly updated book (December 2015), The New SES Application, or visit our Services page for a quote. Diane can also deliver hands-on training in ECQ writing at your agency. Diane Hudson (Burns) is a multi-credentialed career coach, executive resume writer and editor, specializing in posturing federal and non-federal employees to enter the federal governments Senior Executive Service (SES). She is co-author of The New SES Application, the first book written about the five-page SES federal resume and the traditional 10-page ECQ format. Diane is an experienced trainer in Senior Executive S ervice, ECQ/TQ, KSA and federal resume writing topics for SES Candidate Development Program candidates. Agency instruction experience includes Commanders Leadership Development Program at the Naval Shipyard, Air Force Headquarters, U.S. Army Missile Command, FEMA, Defense Acquisition University (Fellows), EPA,PTO, and others. Diane is an instructor for military employment readiness specialists and retiring military as well as train-the-trainer at career industry conferences internationally on outplacement and career search topics.

What to Do If Offered a Job on the Spot

What to Do If Offered a Job on the SpotWhat to Do If Offered a Job on the Spot14Receiving a job offer is the ultimate goal of any job seeker. However, getting offered a job on the spot can be a bit startling, especially when you are not sure what to do if offered a job on the spot. Considering both facts and personal instincts can help in making a decision when getting a job offer on the spot.Instincts are truly powerful, and when considering an on-the-spot job offer, they are useful to help gauge your real feelings. If you have fully researched the company, asked questions, and feel comfortable with the job, then accepting on the spot may be your ideal situation.However, if you have any reservations or think that the job may be a scam, it is best that you ask for a little more time to consider the offer. Here are some common situations to consider when offered a job on the spot.Three Ways to Decide What to Do If Offered a Job on the SpotReady to Accept?If you know for sure that the company is one you want to work for and the job is one you are truly interested in, then there are a few things to consider. Whenoffered a job on the spot, and you want to take itFirst, you should ask for and obtain an offer package. From there you can consider what is offered and return with any negotiations that you wish to proceed with.Second, you need to consider your legal obligations to your current employer if you are working. Inquire about the start date so that you can turn in your notice to your current employer in the required time frame.Third, BE EXCITED If this is your dream job, and you have been waiting for this on-the-spot offer for months, allow yourself the opportunity to be happyStill on the Fence?This is an understandable position to be in. Very rarely are job offers, especially legitimate ones, offered on the spot. If you are still unsure about what to do, consider the following.Ask if you can have more time to consider the offer. If the company obliges, great I f not, as Sara Sutton, founder and CEO of , has stated it may be an indication that the company is generally inflexible or strong-handed and not a company youd want to work for anyway.Do you have any other offers? Is this your dream job or company? Consider the company culture, job duties, and offer package to decide what is best for you and your family.If you need some more perspective, consider talking to a third party. Sometimes another point of view can help with being objective, even if its just getting your concerns or worries off your mind.When NOT to Accept?Unfortunately, not all opportunities that have offered a job on the spot are real. There are certain times when you should not accept a job on the spot.Was your einstellungsgesprch on IM? If you were interviewed solely through instant messenger or through social media channels, that is a red flag that the job is a scam. An interview, normally, will be conducted in person, over the phone, or using a video messaging system. Have you even had an interview? Surprisingly, there are scams that are bold enough to provide a job offer on the spot without even the slightest hint of an interview. If this is the case, do not acceptIs the company being too forceful about getting an answer? If the company has not provided you with any information about the job, the company, or the benefits, chances are it is a scam or its not a company you would really want to work for.Can you find info about the company? Company information should be plentiful. If you have not been able to verify the companys existence or find a moderate amount of information about the company, it could be a job search scam.Remember, when offered a job on the spot, follow your instincts. If you have researched the company, interviewed, and feel good about the job and benefits, then the job offer may be one you want to accept. However, be cautious of scams that take advantage of job seekers by offering job offers on the spot and with little intera ction. If you are looking for a legitimate job, is a trusted source for all types of work flexibilityReaders, have you been offered a job on the spot? What advice would you give when deciding whether or not to accept it? Share your tips and story in the comments below